So about last year....

I can not believe it's already 2018. I can not believe I'll be turning 35 this year. I can not believe how quick 2017 went by. I can not believe what a year it has been....

But I do believe we can make 2018 better! or at least try to. 
The main thing is to stay as positive as possible! Easier said then done, but if at first you don't succeed.... you know what to do ;-) If there is one thing last year taught me, it's to stay positive!

2017 was a pretty crappy year for me personally, but so was 2016. And many years before that. I struggled for over 10 years with symptoms, medical issues, things I had no answer for. Even doctors couldn't figure it out. I was getting pretty depressed, I didn't have any joy in my life anymore. I only had pain and lots of it. And nobody knew where it came from. Bloodtests were always 'okay', despite the fact that there were always inflammatory values in my blood, doctors seem to find this 'normal' .... but I didn't so instead of giving up, I pulled myself together and went to see another doctor. A rheumatologist. She did a proper examination, she tested EVERYTHING! She pressed points on my body I didn't know existed(so to speak ofcourse, but it hurt so bad when she pressed those points! I was like: wow, how does that hurt so much?!). She kept apologizing for hurting me, such a sweetheart. She then send me to a hospital for Xray's, MRI scans, ultrasounds and a very extensive bloodtest. 

She told me she wanted to make sure she didn't miss anything, she wanted to rule out as much as she could so she could give me a decent diagnosis. She was the first doctor in those 10 years who actually gave me the feeling she honestly believed me! 

So when all the test results came back, we made a new appointment, somewhere in may. Right before my birthday. 
As usual, almost all the tests came back negative(which is actually a positive thing). BUT... the MRI showed a part of my lower spine and my pelvis were grown together. That was not a normal thing as supposed to what another specialist in 2016 told me. He saw it on an old MRI in my file and he said: oh that's something you were born with, totally normal. Which I obviously did not find normal! 

Anyway. Bloodtest results were in. I didn't expect much of it as I had TONS of bloodtests before and they were always 'normal'. My vitamins were always okay, I never had any shortages of anything...except I kept having those high inflammatory values. 
This new and more extensive test showed exactly what caused those higher values!

There it was.... black on white: 

Lyme Disease.

Which on its turn caused another disease: Spondylitis or Bekhterev's Disease. This was the explanation for my spine and pelvis hurting so much and their coalescence. 

I started crying. Not only because of the results. But mostly because there were results! Finally, after a long long time of being in pain, being in agony, there it was, on paper, right in front of my eyes. I finally found a doctor who believed me and who didn't hold back to find out what the problem was. I finally had an answer to so many questions. I had Lyme Disease and Bekhterev's Disease. And then I cried even harder because of that. It was both a relieve and a slap in the face. Those were diseases that could not heal with medication. I was sentenced to life. 
The rheumatologist started apologizing again because she didn't want to make me cry. I assured her it was okay, it was not her fault, I was a bit relieved there was finally an answer. 

So this changed my life a bit. But at least now I knew where the pain came from. I wasn't going crazy, it was real!  And it kept getting worse... but I did find out that staying as positive as possible really helps. Yes, those are 2 diseases you wouldn't even wish for your worst enemy. But at least now, whenever I've got pain, or some part of my body gets an inflammation again, I know where it comes from, what causes it and that it will go away again for some time. It makes it a little bit easier to battle through and if not, it also taught me to say 'no' and to stop whenever my body needs me to stop. I used to keep on going and pushed myself over all my limits because nobody would believe me anyway. Now I know I don't have to keep going and that it is okay for me to say no every once in a while, to call in sick if I have to, to cancel plans if I'm not up for it. I still feel a bit guilty, but it's my body and it has to stick with me for as long as possible so I have to take care of it and give it the rest and care it needs! 

So whenever I'm complaining 'again', whenever I'm annoying you 'again' .... just try to put yourself in my place. ;-)

Let's make 2018 the year of positivity AND selfcare! Because that is important! You only have 1 body....

Happy New Year guys and may all your dreams and wishes come true!